Lost dream

I watched the proverbial sunrise
coming up over the Pacific and
you might think I'm losing my mind,
but I will shy away from the specifics...

'cause I don't want you to know where I am
'cause then you'll see my heart
in the saddest state it's ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.

Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.
See that line. Well I never should have crossed it.
Stop right there. Well I never should have said
that it's the very moment that
I wish that I could take back.

I'm sorry for the person I became.
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to try and never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been.

I talk to absolutely no one.
Couldn't keep to myself enough.
And the things bottled inside have finally begun
to create so much pressure that I’ll soon blow up.

I heard the reverberating footsteps
sinking up to the beating of my heart,
and I was positive that unless I got myself together,
I would watch me fall apart.

And I can’t let that happen again
‘cause then you’ll see my heart
in the saddest state it’s ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.

-Relient K-

Hmmm...I realize that my thoughts are rather more reserved than it used to be. Don't seem to be expressing my thoughts as much as I used to. Perhaps it's the time factor...I practically don't have time to debate with myself. Yup you got that right...I am one who battles with my own thoughts and I do think out loud...oh wo-kay...I talk to myself at times. Not that I do that ALL the time...oh come on, I'm sure most or at the least SOME of you out there do that. Right? Right?? RIGHT??? (oh yes, thank you...I see that hand)

So, I was wondering...have I been who I've been lately? I mean I hardly even understand myself at times. I'm feeling a lil lost at the moment. Sometimes I do or react in ways I know I don't want to or shouldn't, yet I am very consciously doing that very thing I don't want or shouldn't. Hopefully, this is just a phase...It must be...just a phase.

Perhaps it's something about a dream that I've been dreaming of lately? Do dreams really mean something? I mean I know it's already weird that I've this same place...my so-called dreamland
of which I dream of...Well some of you might understand what I'm talking about now, if you don't, don't bother. Yea so...it's like as though I'm living another life in my dreams and I go back to it whenever I dream. But most of the time...the ppl that I'm supposed to know my whole life (in my dreams) are ppl I don't know back in reality. But of course occasionally some of you ppl, my lovely friends...and of course some of those ppl who I'm not very fond of also...but that's beyond the point. Haha wait what's my point? Oh yea dreaming about the same thing over a period of say...one week? It's not that it's the same exact dream but the implications are the same each time. Hmm... *wonders*

Well let's just keep that aside for now...

Hmm I thought I had something to say...but guess I'm just gonna let it slip off.

Aaaahhhhhh...me missing brother badly!!!!! brother brother where art thou??