Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Stop.

It hasn’t been the most exciting weekend, but I guess I’m in no place of whining and complaining. Besides, what good would it be? Other than agitating myself more and wasting all my energy and TIME on petty things like these, I can’t think of any goodness of this outcome.

But I’ve realized over time…that I tend to let go and forget about certain frustrations once I let it all out, or rather…blog about it. Not that I intend to remind myself bout what has happened, but perhaps this is one of the most efficient ways I find that I can release it and not let it bother me any longer than it should. Perhaps by blogging about it, indirectly I could reveal some things a certain person has done or even the situations at hand without giving in to whoever or whatever it may be. Sounds revengeful don’t it? Perhaps, I’d feel much better that whoever reads this would know what humans in general are capable of (though most I’m sure you already know…) Betrayal, self-centeredness, evilness, cunning-ness…

I’ve had enough. What good is there being or doing good? This world is just so evil and unfair. Why on earth would God put us in such situations. Why must there be evilness in this world. Why was there the fall of man in the beginning…

Why do we have to exist to go through all these????Why LORD… WHY??????

I know speaking out of rage is the most dangerous thing…which may lead to regrets, but I’m already losing everything…what else more can I lose?? Friends? What the heck, they are the ones who end up back stabbing and betraying you…It’s through tough times that u know people you’re closest with may not be as ‘close’ or could I put it to a point that they aren’t really your TRUE friend?? You would be surprised that people who seem to care less for you are the ones that TRULY care. Oh, the irony!! Please note that these are only my speculations…

I despise people who live in hypocrisy. So much for proclaiming to everyone that the big M isn’t everything…it can’t grant you happiness yada yada yada…heck…you’re living a life as though it IS your everything. And you may be preaching your so called ‘gospel’ so that everyone can SEE your ‘goodness’. But I’m in no position to judge…

It’s painful that you’re such an angel on the outside but deep inside, your deceitful self is like a sharply sharpened knife stabbing right through my heart and it hurts so much, I am…just lost for words.

Sad to say…though friends who are not of the same faith may not be the best at giving ‘godly’ advices…but at least they’re genuine.

I guess this is just hitting me much more since I almost killed someone on the road. But God is merciful. Thank God for His protection…no one got hurt…not even a single scratch on any of the vehicles. I believe that God sent His protective angels centimeters in between my car and the motorbike. But because of that…I can’t seem to forgive myself…I have at times taken Him forgranted, yet He was there to protect me. God indeed is TRUE to His word. He did not leave me nor forsake me. Who else could LOVE the way our Lord God loves?? I am feeling so condemned…and not worthy of all His sacrifices.

I know it seems like I myself am living in hypocrisy. One moment I’m proclaiming God’s grace and mercy…another I’m questioning and doubting God. Forgive me Lord.

[edited] Just thought I should add a lil note here. Though fruits can’t bear out of a rotten tree, and a bad egg will ruin the whole cake, I believe this one incident shouldn’t put you into assuming EVERYONE or at anytime that everyone round about you are double-crossers. There are still genuine Godly people. May God help you in discerning the bad from the ‘good’ bunch of people.

p/s – to the people I just blew up at for no apparent reason, sorry you had to be around at that moment of my despair. Know that I did not meant it. Sorry…

And before I forget, to the person (whom i don't think visits my blog), though I've thank you personally, I would just like to express my heartfelt appreciation for the daily reminders of God's word which were so precise each day and has helped me go through my crazy gloomy days we the confidence of God.

3 comments:

kimsim said...

Hey Eunice,

I may not know exactly what you're typing abt here, but this is for you as an encouragement..

I got a friend who once told me that sometimes when God puts us through situations like these, it is to help us grow stronger. Stronger as a person, stronger in our faith in Him. Sometimes without realising it, our spiritual lives may be at a standstill..just remaining as 'good'. But hey, God wants us to have a great relationship with Him..not just settle for good. And when put through this kinda stuff, we tend to look for Him more..because we want answers. And it is times like these that God opens our eyes, show us His greatness, and help us grow faithfully in Him.
Stay strong, gal..at the end of it all, there will be a surge of hope again. Hope from God.
Oh and don't stop doing good. Remember, you're not doing it for man. You're doing it because it's pleasing in God's eyes. Press on!

May God bless you with peace & joy in your heart, sister! Luv ya lots! :)

eugenius said...

hey darling dearest.

just wanna say sorry for not being able to be there at time when you're at your lowest. i feel bad that i wasn't even aware of it.

i can't promise, but i do wanna make up for it.

always remember, you still have me and other good friends who loves you. or are you actually saying that i'm a hypocrite? haha... sometime i feel i am. hits me when you talked about hypocrisy.

but anyway, i still love you darling. hehe...

eunice said...

Thank you so much for assuring and reminding me of the people I can still hang on and trust in times like this.

Don't worry, none of it was directed to you. You have been such a great loving brother, I can't thank God enough for placing you in my life (=